


you were all i wanted, but not like this.

by luke_is_a_penguin_otter



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, Nostalgia, Sad, again it's jUST SAD, also this is for a person from my past, here's to you asshole, i don't really feel like Muke it's just I needed options, it's just sad honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 09:59:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5781577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luke_is_a_penguin_otter/pseuds/luke_is_a_penguin_otter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke is trying to let it go and move foward, but past keeps coming back. Sort of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you were all i wanted, but not like this.

**Author's Note:**

> title sang by Taylor Swift in All You Had To Do Was Stay.

Hey, Aaron.

I know "Hey, Aaron" didn't sound too formal, but, I don't think we're on this path right now, are we? Nevermind.

Today it's the anniversary. It's been officially 5 years since you left me. And I need to get things out of my chest in order to let go. You seem to be moving on each day, from the very first day and, as you may know, I spent a whole month sobbing in bed thinking what in the seven hells I did to you to deserve what I was getting. And the truth is quite simple now, that I see things from another place. I just truly loved you. But you never really loved me back, did you? No. You loved the idea of loving me. You loved the fact that you had someone to carry around and show to everyone how cute we looked together. I'm not here to tell lies, I really do think that we looked good together. I was always hanging on your shoulder, smiling at you, falling in love each day and with every single word you said. You were everything to me, like I had finally found the one and all the stars aligned and all that stuff you feel when you're in love. And I was just someone you'd bump in events and squeeze quick and give a nasty smile and I would laugh cause that was cute and everyone would just look around and say how cute they are. I think I'm using too much the word cute, right? You used to say this a lot to me.

I spent a month, Aaron. A month in misery with myself and I couldn't bear the fact that my prince had left me to enter other kingdoms. I was left alone in those towers and I broke every wall down and I was left a mess. Musics were ruined, movies were hated and all I could think about and whine about was you. I fought my friends, I fought my family to be with you and you left me alone with myself cause before that you had to take everyone I had with you. I was so stupid to think that we were going to work out... But I still missed you. I missed you for a whole year, baby. I missed you like I needed you and people would think I was grieving, cause I looked depressed. Long story short, I lost the love of my life, right? Again there's fate coming with a big stamp screaming no to my face. I didn't lost the love of my life, Aaron. You're the one who lost the only person that could love you. You once told me that you felt alone even in crowded spaces cause people were too empty with you. The reason for that, sweetheart, is that they see what I couldn't. They are able to see who you are and that's a shallow person who can't love anything but youself. 

After the first year without you, trying to give my life a direction again. I bumped into this guy, on a coffee shop. His name's Michael. He's saying hi now. And calling me on kitchen to have dinner. We're living together about 2 years and a half now. He makes me happy. My mind goes as always, you know I'm too disctracted, wandering around bright collors and landscapes and, the most beautiful thing I can think of is his sweet, soft smile. The smile that gives me energy to run a marathon and still have breath to go outside in a rainy day and buy us a coffee in the same coffee shop we met every 14th of every month cause that's when he first called me his boyfriend. That's how we celebrate our love. Together. With a ritual, that is not forgotten. That's not thrown beside cause he has a dinner with his friends from work or something. He's here for me. I'm there for him. We're here to Mr. Whiskers, who's messing with my toes nows. Ouch, he just gave me a bite. Still love this cats though. 

Michael is the sweetest guy in the world, Aaron. Even when we are fucking our hardest, he treats me so good it's impossible not to fall for him. I don't want to brag about it, but you never made me scream your name. You actually didn't used to touch me a lot, that's something he does frequently. And it feels amazing, by the way. He takes care of me when I'm sick, he sings every single line of The Last Five Years with me and he let me play Cathy everytime. He does have that crazy way of surprising me now and then, like when he came home with Mr. Whiskers, our sassy cat. Or when he bough me literally five hundred flowers and threw it all over our flat. He texts me from work just to say he misses me. He found a way for me to get in touch with my family again, even if is just a cousin or two. I never really could count on my brother, and mom and dad never really supported me, with you or anyone else. Turns out I don't actually need them. Michael's enough. We met these two guys in our first date, that was a concert (He took me to see Taylor Swift and I spent a whole hour crying about how perfect he was to do that), Calum and Ashton, and they became our best friends, turns out that they live in the same street we live, and now we're like a family of weirdos. I found my place, Aaron. At a point I didn't felt right about this, Michael and the guys and my life. It didn't felt right cause I was not you. Turns out that it's better off this way. Now, I'm about to be proposed in the middle of dinner with my perfect boyfriend (he's thinking I don't know but Calum spilled it to me while drunk texting) and our two best friends and out still sassy cat, and you're not the one who's doing it. You're not the one to make me gasp and cry saying yes. You never were and you never will, Aaron.

I hope you're fine, wherever you are, whatever you're doing. I know this sounds silly and childish, but I needed to get this off my chest. I spent so much time thinking you were my prince that I almost let the true one ride away without me.

Now I'm heading to new castles, new kingdoms and conquering the world. And I hope you're okay living inside the twisted woods you built for yourself. I finally got in the clear, and there are so many bright colors and so many beautiful things to see and so many smiles to share with him...

The point here, Aaron, is that, beside all the crap you have put me trough, I wanted to thank you, for dropping me. That made me stronger, and someone better found me to take care of me. Thank you for leaving me, sweetie. You thought I would die, but now I see that I was just in pain cause it's hard to let go of the past, and now I'm finally free. You're the responsable for the most precious thing I have in life, and I can't thank you enough for that. Now I need to head to the kitchen, where everyone is waiting for me.

Goodbye,  
Luke Hemmings - To be Clifford.


End file.
